Why you shouldn’t suffer in silence

It’s important to not always suffer in silence because you’ll be setting the wrong expectation.

Either make better choices and don’t suffer. Or communicate your pain to the concerned so they know it isn’t something that is going down well with you. When you suffer in silence, you are giving others permission to take you for a doormat ride. People will not change if the environment allows them to continue what they are doing. And you are one in that environment who is unconsciously giving them permission to continue being what they are being. If they are random strangers, what they say and do might not even bother you so much. But if it is someone close, it is important to let them know how you feel about it. Else they will never know.

Imagine I keep abusing someone. They are silent. They love me so they simply listen to everything in silence. They don’t give it back because they see that I love them. They understand that my intention is love, hence they don’t correct my action. They keep apologising even if it is not their fault. They take the blame and suffer in silence. Now the more they do that, the more I will be led to believe I am right. The minute I believe I am right, I will not change. I will continue bulldozing my way. Because they are also not having a problem with it (or at least not communicating it). It may be breaking them from within. It may be affecting them. But I can’t see, since, on the outside, I see their acceptance and apology. That’s a tragic way to continue a relationship.

Instead, if you communicate that it is affecting you, or that you don’t appreciate it – it will make the other person think and pause. Nothing can persist without your permission. People will do anything if there are no repercussions. Even the most foul-tempered person behaves well with someone – either due to fear or due to respect. If they can get away with it, they’ll continue. If they can’t, then they’ll think of changing.

Respect yourself. Never make it a habit to bend backward to accommodate anyone. You make it a bad habit for them. They begin to feel a sense of entitlement more than gratitude – if you always do it. Find a balance. Enable others to learn to balance as well. A relationship that survives only based on your efforts may not be a healthy relationship after all. Both have to be invested in making things work. And it will all happen only if you stop taking all the garbage upon yourself. The sufferer is as responsible as the person inflicting it. It is your responsibility to make better choices and have better responses. Only then will life and relationships turn out to be more beautiful and meaningful.

Even if it isn’t affecting you personally, it is important to educate your loved ones on what behaviour is acceptable and what is not. If you don’t educate, they’ll have to learn it the harsh way because not everyone is going to be as kind and understanding as you are.

At times, people may be doing it unknowingly too. They might not even be aware that their actions are causing pain to someone. It could just be their blind spot. And you keep suffering while they don’t even know what pain it’s causing you. One of the blunders we make is expecting others to understand without us saying a word. Sometimes it is possible. Sometimes it isn’t. Your view is clear only from where you stand. Not from where they stand. Hence, it is left up to you too, to make yourself understood or make it easy for others to understand you.