There are some of us who are super clear on what we don’t want. However, we land up getting exactly that each time, every time. The more clear we are about what we don’t want, the more we seem to be getting it. Do you know why?

The mind can’t understand the ‘not’s’! The more you think of what you don’t want, the more you manifest it in your life, unconsciously. 

For example, the minute you tell yourself that you don’t want to see red colour, suddenly all the reds seem to be highlighted. You begin to wonder when did the world paint itself red to this extent. 

Another example, someone who’s looking to get married, is very clear on what’s the kind of guy/girl they don’t want. And ironically, they land up meeting more and more of that kind. Your mind works like a radio frequency. Whatever frequency you are clear about, that’s what you can tune in to. Whether you like the channel or not, since you are only aware of this channel, you can only tune in to it. If you want to tune in to another channel, you need to know what’s the frequency of the other channel. Unless you are clear on it, you are likely to get stuck with the current channel itself. 

No amount of knowing what you don’t want is going to get you what you want in life. If you want to get what you want, you need to know what you want. A person who wants to lose weight keeps repeating that they want to lose weight. Now the focus is on what they don’t want again. If you want to lose weight, what is it that you want for yourself? Do you want to be fit, healthy? Whatever it is, think of it. This is called solution thinking in NLP terms (NLP is Neuro-Linguistic Programming). And thinking of what you don’t want is problem thinking. 

Another example is if you keep telling yourself you don’t want to get angry. You might just land up getting angrier. If you don’t want to get angry, what do you want to be? Think about that. 

Likewise, when we talk to others, it’s good to be mindful of whether we are adding monkeys on their back or helping them be better. With the best of intentions, when we tell someone not to be nervous, not to forget, not to make mistakes, not to be harsh or not to meet with accidents, we are unknowingly taking their attention towards the things that we want them to stay away from. Better ways of influencing would be to state what you want – for example, be confident, keep smiling, remember, be kind, have a nice drive, etc. 

The more we tell someone what we don’t want them to be, the more they become all that. Calling someone stubborn, naughty, careless, irresponsible, introverted, shy, nervous, short-tempered, incapable, stupid, foolish, dim-witted, etc. doesn’t make them any better. It makes them more of the same. So, either for yourself or others, avoid attaching labels that damage. Else we land up unknowingly adding monkeys and others too, unknowingly carry our monkeys. 

Stating what you want is an essential skill that one needs to develop in life. Be aware over the next 24 hours – what are you thinking, what are you saying – is it more focused on what you don’t want or what you want? How can you rephrase better? It’s not just the intent, it is the content too that matters! So, let’s pay attention and have a healthy influence on each other. 

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