Most romantic relationships begin out of a need. Where both partners find their needs fulfilled in some way, they enter into a relationship. The first thing that usually kicks in, is hormones. Nature has built us in such a way that we get attracted to each other for the sake of procreation. But there’s more! Hormones are only the initial step. Needs play an important role. We get into relationships out of various needs. Our needs determine our nature of relationships too, among other things.
For the sake of exploring this topic further, there are two kinds of us, when we enter a relationship:
- Who like to take care of others
- Who like to be taken care of
Both of the above are needs. Wanting to take care of others is as much a need as wanting to be taken care of. There are people who love taking care of others so much that they won’t know what to do with themselves if there’s no one who needs them to care. If you see most relationships, one likes to take care of, and the other likes to be taken care of.
The ones who like to take care of others may have more of “I know”, “Listen to me”, “Let me help you out” or things of similar nature.
Those who like to be taken care of might have more of, “I don’t know”, “You decide”, “You tell me what should I do”.
It compliments to have these 2 kinds of needs. However, no matter how much a person likes to be taken care of, they also want to add value. So, if the other person comes across as too strong and never needing any help, then they might feel they are of no value and treat the other one like a God and their own selves as useless and not worth it. They will lose their confidence eventually to be able to do anything on their own.
Hence, for those who have a strong need to take care of others, watch out! Be mindful if you are overdoing the protective part of it and making the other person incapable of standing on their own feet. Love and concern have their own place. If done in excess, it can render a person useless in their own life. Every once in awhile, demonstrate vulnerability and seek help from your partner just to let them know that they are equally adding value to your life. If you portray yourself as intelligent a bit too much, the other person can land up feeling like a dim-wit. Don’t overplay or underplay. It is important to be mindful of each of your space in a relationship.
The reason why you need to think of this is, life comes with an expiry date. As flattering as it might be to our ego to have someone depending on us, it gets that dangerous if we were to cease to exist tomorrow. Eventually, our goal should be to ensure we give each other the space to grow on our own and be independent in some aspects so that if life demands, we can step up and take charge.
On the other hand, if you are someone who needs to be taken care of, ensure you are maintaining a balance too. After a point, it can be taxing and tiring for one person to constantly fulfill your need to be taken care of. So, please ensure that you are self-sufficient at times and also taking care of the other person when needed. Challenge yourself to do some things on your own. Tomorrow if this person doesn’t exist and if you have a down moment, you can’t collapse. You’ll have to hold your fort. No harm is leveraging someone’s support, but not at the cost of realizing your own inner strength. Strike a balance between both.
Instead of creating relationships of dependency, think of creating dependable relations. They are more fruitful.
In tomorrow’s blog, there’s going to be a focus on one key reason why relationships go through a rough patch, or even worse, fail and how to avoid it. Thank you for stopping by and meet you here tomorrow. 🙂 Until then, have a great day!